Well, Season 3 of Arrow limps to the finish line with a finale so final that they had to add a post-show tag from one of the producers, assuring us that there will, in fact, be a Season 4. If it’s going to be anything like Season 3, I think we’re good, thanks.
Oliver has become an agent of evil and destruction. Wait, no he hasn’t. Oh, sorry, yes he has. Well, either way, all of his friends decide to go see for themselves and they all end up dead. Wait, no they don’t. Well, one thing’s for sure – Roy and Thea are back together! Wait …
So instead of being happy for their old pal Ollie and his awesome new gig (seriously, how many people ever get chosen to be Heir to the Demon?), Team Hood just whinges and complains about how awful their lives are without him. Well change your diapers, kiddos, ’cause there ain’t no Ollie no more!
Well, we finally get some solid Olicity action, we have a chance to see a Lazarus Pit do its thing, and the Arrow writers prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that when it comes to anatomy and physiology, they don’t know their assholes from their elbows.
There have been rumors swirling for weeks that Arrow was going to lose one of the main cast members. Is it true? It certainly looks that way! And then it doesn’t. But then it does again! So many swerves!
I usually have something flip to say, but my heart is completely shattered thatArrow would kill off Felicity Smoak. I understand she was just a character on a silly super hero show, but she was the best thing about Arrow by a country mile. And the idea that Laurel lives and Felicity dies is an utter sin. RIP, Felicity. I can’t even believe you’re gone.
Digg and Lyla don’t even have five minutes for consummation before they’re whisked off to God knows where to run with the Suicidals. Meanwhile, Ray is having fun playing Iron Man, there are Arrows all over Starling City, and Felicity’s a blubbering mess. This is still a superhero show, right?
Oliver has plenty to think about this week, what with Ra’s al Ghul’s offer burning a hole in his pocket, Murmur running around as a stone cold cop killa, and Captain Lance hating his stinking guts. Almost sounds like a good episode, doesn’t it? It’s not.
You know, for an episode called “Nanda Parbat,” there’s surprisingly little Nanda Parbat in it. What there’s plenty of is long, thoughtful discussions about Thea’s soul, and revelations about pretty much everything to pretty much everybody. Oh, and an Iron Man suit that it looks like it was made by a first-time cosplayer. Another stinker episode, Arrow. Let’s pull it together, shall we?
If I’d given a box of Crayons to a blind, half-retarded bonobo and asked him to write me an Arrow script, I would have gotten a better one than this week’s utter schmoz of an episode. All I can think is that they couldn’t afford the regular writing team this week because they blew the budget on silly wigs.
Count Vertigo returns to Starling City, to the delight of no one, and Laurel trips out and has a drug-induced vision that brings Sara back. So at least Laurel’s good for something this week. Also, everyone knows that Ollie’s the Arrow now, so that whole secret identity thing was an epic fail. Batman is shaking his head in disgust.
Oliver makes a thoroughly underwhelming return to Starling City and gets rid of the only interesting B-level villain we’ve had in a good long while. And in the flashbacks, Malcom Merlyn gives Ollie a run for his money in the silliest wig category.
Since I never wanted Laurel to be the Canary in the first place, it was oh-so-satisfying to see her fumbling around this week like a cosplayer at her first convention. Still, Roy and Laurel protecting Starling City? Laughable. So come back to us, won’t you Ollie?
Ever wonder what Arrow would be like without Arrow? This week we get a glimpse, and friends and neighbors, it is not a pretty sight. Diggle gives up, Felicity falls apart, Roy’s more useless than ever, and Laurel raids a bondage shop to get her super hero gear. Get well soon, Ollie!
So, wait. Okay, it was <spolier> who killed Sara? But why? And because of that, Ollie is forced to climb a mountain and face Ra’s al Ghul in a battle to the death, only to wind up <spoiler>? What the frack is going on around here?
Ollie can’t love but wants to, Felicity can love (and does), Cupid’s got a little too much love to give, Roy can’t find any self-love, Thea’s getting random love from strangers, and Digg is loving having the Arrow boys for dinner. And it’s not even Valentine’s Day in Starling City.
Filler, anyone? This week’s stinker of an episode was a whole lot of nothin’ that didn’t advance the plot, didn’t mark any real character development, and stumbled over the finish line with no hope of anyone ever saying, “Hey, remember ‘Guilty’? Let’s watch that again! That was a great episode!”
We finally get the Felicity-centric episode we’ve been clamoring for, but don’t get to see nearly as much goth Felicity as the episode previews promised we would. Also, Felicity’s mom shows up to fill the cleavage void we were left with when Sara died. And fill it she does.
Everybody in Star(ling) City is either hunting Sara’s killer or being accused of killing Sara. Meanwhile, you need a scorecard to keep track of who knows which secrets, and the Hong Kong subplot continues to have us pining for the island.
Team Arrow takes a vacation to Corto Maltese to find Thea and bring her back to Star(ling) City. But unfortunately that’s not enough of a plot to support an entire episode, so they tack on a silly B story about an ARGUS operative who just happens to be in Corto Maltese and needs help. Welcome to Plot Convenience Theater!
You’d think an episode with arrows flying left and right while the gang begins the search for Sara’s killer would be exciting, but you’d be wrong. If you’re looking for plenty of moping and touchy-feely stuff, though, are you ever in luck.
Oliver and Felicity are dating, Digg’s having a baby, and Detective Lance survived that indigestion that almost killed him at the end of last season. So why muck it all up with a memorable villain? Not to worry – they didn’t.