In Arrow’s Season 4 finale, we discover that a nuclear strike threatening to wipe humanity off the planet can be overcome with the power of positive thinking. Urf. Let’s just flush this turd and get on with our summer vacations, shall we?
On this week’s Arrow, Felicity fights a highly drawn out and emotional battle as she slowly comes to terms with the number of deaths she’s responsible for. Nah, just kidding! She exchanges witty banter with Curtis and her folks while Green Arrow and Blackneto run around Pleasantville like a couple of dopes.
Well, this week we’ve got the return of The Calculator, Brick, Anarky, and Ol’ Stitch Lips, who I’m now being told is actually called Murmur. So with all these villains running around, plus the looming threat of nuclear annihilation, surely it’s a good episode, right? Mmmm … no.
Ew, what’s that smell? Oh, it’s this week’s stinker of an Arrow episode. It’s essentially three boring minor storylines that add up to one boring major storyline. Still, Laurel remains dead. So that’s something.
So Laurel’s dead. And she’s not only merely dead, she’s really quite sincerely dead. While the rest of the team stands around emoting for the bulk of the episode, there’s an impostor Black Canary running around Star City. Well go get her, you bunch of mopes!
Well, on a positive note, we finally know who’s in the grave! Hope you all held on to your betting slips. I don’t want to spoil anything if you haven’t seen it yet, but I will just say this: it’s not anyone we care about.
Let’s call this one Bee-con of Hope, shall we? I hate bugs, people. With a passion. So you can imagine how thrilled I was to see, of all people, Star City’s favorite wacky entomologist/robotician Brie Larvan, back this week. Larvan? Seriously? Oh, bee-have! I can see the eye-rolls now. Buckle up, folks, there are more puns where that came from!
And we’re back from break! That wasn’t so bad, was it? Tonight’s episode is all about love and relationships and our favorite crazy bitch, Cupid, who just can’t stand to see anyone happy. And the writers, who just can’t stand to see the Olicity fans happy.
Well, the one bright spot from tonight’s episode was the debut of Vixen and her fabulous pleather-clad cleavage, drawn attention to by the magical necklace she wears. Everything else was a stone-cold bummer.
Welcome to the CW Arrow Stunt Spectacular! There will be chills, thrills, and spills aplenty as our heroes smash through windows, zip around on motorcycles, survive catastrophic explosions, escape crumbling buildings, and dodge … nail guns?
This week it’s a race against time to save Thea’s life! Though nobody moves especially fast. Why would they, really? There’s also a request for the real Ra’s al Ghul to please stand up, and Felicity has coffee with her dad. If it all sounds horribly janky and disjointed, well, that’s because it is.
Everybody’s back this week! Roy, Nyssa, Katana, Shado, and Mr. T – how we’ve missed you all. (Except maybe you, Roy.) We’re also introduced to The Calculator, who has his own interesting twist, and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it campaign announcement from Mrs. Donnie Darhko. Let’s get to it!
A new organization called Shadowspire joins the Arrowverse this week, and I hope you like the name Shadowspire because it’s said approximately half a billion times. Elsewhere, Felicity is visited by the Ghost of Goth Chicks Past, and Lil’ Diggle finally gets a jail cell with a toilet. I think.
It takes a special kind of talent to make an episode about Oliver’s bloody quest for revenge and Felicity’s life-and-death battle so freaking BORING. But, credit where credit is due, they did it. Even Anarky seems to be thinking, “Man, what happened to this show since I left?”
Well this week’s Arrow is a hoot and a half! It’s Christmastime in Star City, and you know the best thing about Christmastime in Star City? Everyone is together for the holidays, and no one ends up bleeding to death in the street after their limousine gets turned into Swiss cheese by Ghosts. God bless us, everyone!
Stop! Flarrowtime! Yes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year as we conclude the annual Flash/Arrow crossover in this week’s Arrow. And if you’re a fan of time travel, have we got a treat in store for you!
Digg’s brother Andy is alive! But before we uncork the Champagne, we need to acknowledge that Lil’ Digg is a stone-cold killa who did a lot of really nasty stuff in the Army and is now one of Donnie Darhko’s Ghosts. Still … he’s alive! Hooray! Right? Hooray?
This week, the race to save Ray is on! It’s just that the race is run really slowly. Meanwhile, the writers court death by teasing an Olicity breakup, and between Sara and Felicity’s mom, we get more cleavage than we can handle. Almost.
Hold on to your quivers, Arrowheads! There’s a new DC Comics hero in town this week. Is it Batman? The Green Lantern? Blue Beetle? Shazam? Nope – it’s Constantine! Yeah, I never heard of him either, but he’s here to help retrieve Sara’s soul from a mildly dangerous nether-realm, so I guess let’s all welcome him with open arms.
If you’re a fan of Texas Hold ’Em, boy, is this ever the episode for you! Just kidding, no it’s not. But if you like bromances, resurrections, chicks with guns, and that cool Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade-esque temple in Kinda Farbat, we gotcha covered.
Anarky rules! Well, not really, he’s kind of a little dweeb. But if you want new characters, we got new characters! Mister Terrific! Seven of Nine! Some warlord dude on the island! And a Palmer Technologies board of directors with a serious stick up its collective ass.